Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark TwainGet your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish.
Mark TwainGod made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark TwainMy mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark TwainWhen we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark TwainTwenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Mark TwainIt could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
Mark TwainPrinciples have no real force except when one is well fed.
Mark TwainWe all have thoughts that would shame the devil.
Mark TwainIf you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man.
Mark TwainThe first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Mark TwainTruth is more of a stranger than fiction.
Mark TwainI never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
Mark TwainAll you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure.
Mark TwainSuppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark TwainA man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose.
Mark TwainWhy is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark TwainIt is easier to stay out than get out.
Mark TwainTime cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.
Mark TwainSacred cows make the best hamburger.
Mark TwainHumor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Mark TwainFor example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "gj" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
Mark TwainIt was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark TwainWhenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
Mark TwainI admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Mark Twain
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