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Garrison Keillor

Garrison Keillor (born 7 August 1942) is an American novelist, humorist, comedian, and public radio personality.
Found 29 thoughts of Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

Garrison Keillor

It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle.

Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Garrison Keillor

To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich.

Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Garrison Keillor

Writers are vaccuum cleaners who suck up other people's lives and weave them into stories like a sparrow builds a nest from scraps.

Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted, but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.

Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles.

Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.

Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.

Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor
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