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Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner (born September 17, 1956) is an American comedian and writer.
Found 43 thoughts of Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

Rita Rudner

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.

Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

Rita Rudner

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Rita Rudner

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

I like men who wear earrings. They've bought jewelry and they've experienced pain.

Rita Rudner

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Rita Rudner

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner
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